Dear Noah by Sarah Buckhouse

My Miracle

Do you believe in miracles? I guess you have to know what a miracle is in order to believe in one. I believe that a miracle is an unbelievable, unexplainable, and unimaginable event that happens to a person when it is most needed, because of this definition, I do not believe that miracles happen very often. However, when they do occur, they have a lasting effect on a person.

I was changed by a miracle once; sometimes I believe that I am constantly being changed by it. Miracles can come in many shapes and sizes. My miracle came in the form of a little brother.

My family found out in the summer of 2006 that my stepmother was expecting a baby boy, but that wasn’t the only news we received from the doctor that summer. We were told that the baby, my little bother, had encephalocele. Encephalocele is a birth defect that occurs in the brain and is most often fatal.

Our specialist gave us very few options and at the top of that list, of course, was termination. That wasn’t an option for my family, because we knew that even though he was sick, my brother was still part of the family. We were told that he probably wouldn’t make it to term and that, if he did, there was very little chance he would live through childbirth.

As a family we mourned for our brother as though he were already gone. We hope and we prayed that things might turn out differently. On November 10, 2006, Noah Samuel Buckhouse was born. Now I can’t say he was born a healthy little boy, because you already know that is not true, but he did live long enough for us to take him home, Which we never thought would have been possible.

Noah Sam lived to be 72 days old. That is 1,728 hours or 103,680 minutes or 6,220,800 seconds. In that time he was able to go on family walks, have weekly birthdays, experience Christmas, and have visits from Grandma and Grandpa. We as a family loved him every second of every day. There was never a moment when he was left alone or was not being held. Every moment he was left alone was a moment lost that we could never get back. If only I always lived my life that way! If only I lived as though every moment of my life or a loved one’s life might be the last, my own life might have more meaning.

No, we were not delusional and we knew the inevitable was going to happen. While we were waiting for it, we made the most of the time we had. Most would say it would have been smarter had we all just remained detached, because to become attached would be too painful. I’m not going to lie and say it wasn’t painful to sit back and watch and wait for my little brother to die. It was one of the most painful experiences of my life. And not only did I lose my little brother, who was the embodiment of innocence, but I also had to look around me and see the rest of my family in the same pain that I was in. It is hard to comfort someone when you yourself need comfort.

Since Noah Sam has been gone, my family and I have run the Race for Fetal Hope 5K in Denver, Colorado in his honor. Oddly enough, it falls on the week of his birthday every year.  Also, my family donates to Hospice on Noah Sam’s behalf as often as they can. We do these things not only to celebrate his life, but also to help other families who may be going through the same thing. Noah Sam’s life brought us all closer together and it is because of that closeness that we were able to heal as a family. If Noah Sam’s life did nothing but accomplish that, I believe that his life was more successful than one would think a 72-day-old baby’s life could be. Now I believe it is our turn to help comfort those who are going through similar situations and find that they cannot comfort themselves!

Noah Sam bought my family together in his life and continues to do so in his absence. Had my family chosen to terminate the pregnancy, we never would have been able to meet our precious Noah Sam. We would have missed out on a very important time in all over our lives. He was not expected to be around long enough to touch our heart and change our minds, but he was, and that is what makes him a miracle.